recreatingreality.com

As younger people we were under great peer pressure to be like everyone else.  We all tried to dress like our friends.  We all tried to talk like our friends.  Remember all those fad phrases?  The idea was to fit into the crowd.  We all wanted to be in the “in crowd.”  Perhaps, there was comfort and security being a part of the whole.

But — there was one girl in my high school class that was different.  I can remember how we all made faces when she entered the room.  Most of us gazed upon her and asked ourselves — or one another, “Who does she think she is?”

As I look back on those days I can only remember this young lady dressing more and more like a young Audrey Hepburn.  She was thin and sleek.  While most of us girls were wondering when our breasts would develop, this young woman seemed preoccupied with which scarf she would drape around her neck.  When we were trying to secretly roll the waist bands on our skirts to shorten them, this young woman never wore her skirt shorter than mid-knee.

When 90% of the girls in the class were battling one another for a spot on the cheerleading team, this young woman was taking the leading role in our school play.  She was definitely marching to the beat of a different drummer.  And, she stood out in the crowd.

I can remember that no matter the situation, the young woman was always calm and very gracious — even as a teenager.  And, secretly all of us who looked like wallpaper behind this stand out envied her and wished we had the courage to express ourselves independently of the others.

Yes, we were cruel.  We would snicker when she would pass by.  As we all left for college, we had our hearts set on becoming teachers or nurses, and some of us reached beyond the traditional roles but not far.  The young lady who had stood out from the rest headed to New York to become an actress.  We laughed at her.  But, she never seemed to notice.

Years passed before her name ever came up in conversation.  The rest of us graduated college and began our adult lives.  Then “she” appeared, not at a class reunion, but back in town — not in person, but on the movie screen.

It was funny, but none of us were laughing.  The odd girl in high school had her name and her face on the big screen.  I would be lying if I said I did not feel a bit of jealousy and definitely envy.

Well, it was a wake up call for me.  I didn’t say so at the time.  I still did not want to go against my friends — peer pressure, I suppose.  But, as I went back to work I decided that it was time for me to break away from the pack.  Slowly at first, but with more intensity over time, I began to change.  I set goals and met them.  I became more assertive.  I won’t say aggressive.  However, I recognized that I, too, am an individual — not just one of the herd.

My change in attitude had consequences.  My change in habit had greater consequences.  My husband could not understand what happened to the “little lady” who had been so happy to watch him play men’s league basketball or spend every weekend cooking out with the same old friends.

My husband had married one woman who was becoming another.  It would have been easy enough to blame him for the failure of our marriage, but it was not his fault.  I had discovered that deep down inside me was someone who had something to offer the world.  I was more important to myself than being the weekend hostess — although I had mastered that, as had all my high school girl friends.

I know times are different now.  People graduate from college and go to where the jobs and opportunities are.  They meet new people and have the chance to start over.

But, the point is that if we are not living our lives, we are just existing, taking up space in the world.  I’m not condoning divorce or any other radical action.  I am only saying that sometimes we all need to step up and say who we are.  We need to take control of our lives and become the person we want to be.

The divorce was not easy on me or him.  I’m not sure to this day that he understands that I had to go.  I had to create the life I was meant to live.  If I have one regret, it is that I did not know who I am when I first got married.  If I have one joy, it is that I discovered me and began to control my destiny.  Change as radical as this does not come without consequences.  It can be painful.

This is not to say that anyone who is reading this needs to make such sweeping life changes.  It is to say that sometimes to find happiness in life you have to break away from the pack.  And, above all “to thine own self be true.”

Today many of us need a dose of reality.  Some want to be out of credit card debt.  Others want to lose weight.  Still others are thinking about other goals.  Getting started may be the hardest part — getting the ball rolling, that is.  However, once the ball is rolling, when we have set inertia in motion, some of us become frustrated by the s l o w pace of our progress.

When we become frustrated there are a few things to remember.  For those with too much credit card debt or too much weight or any of us who are trying to undo something we must remember that we did not create the problem overnight.  And, more importantly we are not going to remedy the situation overnight.

Perhaps, many of us need to temper our expectations.  This is not to say that we are diminishing our goals or dreams.  But, in reality we need to consider that all too often we expect an instant fix.  There really isn’t one.  Some who have seen “The Secret” or read the book seem to believe that if we think about what we want — send the thought out into the universe — suddenly it will appear.  There are stories about those people who decided to do something one day and POOF! the next day, it was theirs.  Well, I’m going to have to say that in all my years of experience I have never seen anyone wish for something, only to have the doorbell ring the next moment, a delivery man standing there asking you to sign for the fulfillment of your wish.  Maybe in a fairy tale.  But, this is real life.

Rather than becoming frustrated because your last wish or desire did not manifest immediately, invest time and energy working toward your goals, you desires.  When you point yourself in the right direction, things begin to happen.  Maybe it is awareness.  Maybe it is because we are looking for solutions rather than rehashing the problems.

Whatever your goal, if you have followed the seven criteria for goal setting, you goal can be accomplished.  Please note the use of the word “accomplished.”  This indicates that you have to engage in activities that will lead to your success.

All that said, frustration is a natural reaction to our shortcomings or delays.  We all have days when we are ready to throw up our hands.  But, as my mother used to say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  It will take more than a day to accomplish your goals.  I look at those days of setbacks and frustrations as tests.  Maybe the universe is testing you to see if you are really serious about achieving your goals.  Who knows?

The point is that all too often after we name our goals, we expect immediate results — sometimes without work.  Most of life does not happen overnight.  Success in life takes time and effort.  So, when becoming frustrated with your progress, take a step back — maybe a day off.  Regenerate your enthusiasm, not so much toward the goal, but toward the effort you are willing to put into the accomplishment.

I firmly believe anything in life is possible.  But, I also believe that few things in life just fall into our laps following a wish.  Temper your expectations.  You may plug along at first, but as you work towards your destination you will discover that you are moving faster and faster.  In fact, once we reach our goals most of us look back and think how fast we accomplished our desires.  Do not forget that so very often the journey is far more exciting than we thought it would be.  Enjoy the work.  Enjoy the journey.  You will appreciate the destination.

You and I cannot determine the direction of the wind, but we can set our sails to go where we want to go. That’s really what life is all about. Yet, most of us spend more time planning our vacations than we do planning the direction of our lives.

Having grown up along the coast, I spent many summers sailing with family and friends. I can remember as a young child wondering how we could be heading in one direction when the wind was blowing directly into my face. No matter the direction from which the wind blew, we always ended up at the appointed destination. Maybe my dad knew how to set the sails.

Such is it with life. We cannot determine what is going to happen along our life path. Sometimes the wind will be at our backs and we will move forward with rapidity. Other times the wind may be hitting us head on and we may slow down but we will not move backwards.

That is the beauty of life. All the challenges that may come along will not drive us backwards as long as we know how to set sail forward. We cannot control everything that goes on in the world. Who would want to? But, we can control how we react to what comes our way. Even the biggest obstacles in life cannot halt us if we are prepared to move forward, if we have set our sails correctly.