What Is Reality?
Reality is whatever you perceive it to be, pure and simple. We all talk about reality as if it is a constant, the same for everyone. We talk about global warming as if it is the same for everyone. We talk about the economic crisis as if it is the same for everyone. We speak of the War in Iraq as if it holds the same reality for everyone. But, in truth, we each have a separate perception of each of these things.
As an example I am going to refer to a married couple. The husband is what is known as an incomplete quadriplegic. The term means that he has partial use of his arms and hands and has feeling from the chest up. Recently, the husband had his left leg amputated above the hip socket. He is bedridden most of the time unless the wife picks him up and sits him in the motorized wheelchair. She takes care of all his hygiene needs and bathes him. He is now able to shave himself. But, his use of his hands is insufficient to cut his food, so his wife prepares his plate as one would for a child. I could go on with the description but you should be getting a clear picture from what I have related.
Think about this couple for a moment. He is bedridden for the greater part of the day. He cannot be left alone because in case of an emergency he is physically unable to help himself. The wife is tied to her husband’s every need. Sounds miserable and confining doesn’t it?
How would you feel if your spouse were to become bedridden? What would your reality be if you had to tend to your spouse with the same care and nurturing with which you would care for a baby? What would reality be if you had to plan ahead, well in advance, to go anywhere? Think about what kind of reality that is. Close your eyes and think of having to care for your spouse’s every need, get every glass of water for him or her, and so on.
Now let me tell you about the reality of this couple. When asked about her life, the woman will tell you how very lucky she is. That’s right. She believes she is lucky. When I asked her to explain that she told me that most people only get the opportunity to tell their spouse that they love them, and all too often they forget to do that. But, my friend says she is lucky because she has the opportunity each and every day to show her husband how much she loves him. She is one of the happiest people I have ever known.
Most people I have known in similar circumstances isolate themselves. The woman turns bitter with her life and the husband feels sorry for his lack of ability to function by himself. That sounds like a natural response, one that would be expected. Not this couple. They laugh. They are both full of love. They are neighborhood leaders. I am referring to my friend Maya who writes the Gratitude Journal. If you have not taken the time to read any of her beautiful writings I suggest you do. If you have not happened upon her blog, please follow the link.
The purpose is not to disclose the personal life of a dear friend, but to pose the question of reality. For some that reality would be hell. For Maya it is an opportunity to show love. What is the difference? It is attitude and perception. Our realities are created in our heads based on circumstances that occur in our lives in part. More importantly, reality is how we perceive those circumstances and our attitudes about those circumstances.
Think about the War in Iraq. If you are an American soldier you have one perception of the war, one reality. If you are a resident of Baghdad and a member of your family has been kidnapped or killed you probably have a different reality when it comes to the war. If you are a parent with a child in the Army, stationed in Iraq, your reality is very focused on the safety of that child and the outcome or end of the war. If you know no one at all who is serving in Iraq or even a family member of someone in Iraq, chances are you don’t think about it too much. Chances are you probably have an opinion on the politics of the war. However, chances are the war and the day to day combat are not a part of your reality.
No two people have the exact same experiences. No two people have the exact same perception. No two people react the exact same way to an occurrence. No two people have the exact same realities.
One of the best examples of realities being different for all people. Think of an auto accident. Ask any of the witnesses what they saw and each will tell a slightly different story of what happened. They may have witnessed the same accident, but they each saw it from a different angle. Each has a different perception of what happened. Each has a different reality.
The point I am trying to make is that reality is different for every person. We may be in the same room, but each is experiencing something different from another. Each person has his or her own reality. That reality is created in one’s mind. Certainly, I will concede that the environment may be the same, but perception of it is different.
For that reason, I suggest that when you begin to recreate your reality, you are not necessarily influencing the world beyond your head. When the family sits down to create a budget, each has a different perception of why he or she is participating. Each has a different attitude toward the creation of a budget. Some may feel relieved to see where the money comes from and where it goes on paper. Others may fight the idea of creating a family budget because it forces him or her to face some facts that he or she may not want to confess.
Reality is a personal thing, not something universal. For that reason we may agree on some things and disagree on others. Perhaps the best place to start if one wishes to change one’s reality is with one’s attitude and perception. Your reality is up to you. You created it. You can change it. Do not expect someone else to make the changes for you. If you are not happy, do not blame your spouse or your child, your job or your finances. Your happiness is determined by your reality. And your reality is within you.
Think about it. Try to grasp the concept. Stop blaming others. Look within.
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